It is 1:19 am on a Wednesday officially 30 hours before the new school year starts. I have been up for 17 hours and spent 7 of them in my car and 7 at work. To say that I am tired is an UNDERSTATEMENT! What is wrong with me??? Why can't I sleep??? I know why, the answer is simple: I'm a mom, a working mom.
You see, I haven't always been a working mom, I have been an on again off again SAHM for 8 years. I love staying home but sometimes with four small people it isn't "financially responsible" so I work, like I said on again off again- have a baby, stay home. Hubby gets laid off- go to work. Have another baby- stay home. Need groceries- work. Alex moves in- stay home. Kids start school-work. It's a never ending cycle that results in me feeling inadequate in my partnership with the Beast vs feeling like I'm failing the kids as mom. Neither of which makes me happy. Lamesauce all the way around the board.
I have been back to working since Jan. 2012, however, i was able to be out of work in time to pick up the kids from school, awesome. Then my paychecks started bouncing- time to move on. Started working at a restaurant- out of work by 5, not bad, still quality time bed time kisses etc, this was still doable even as I wore myself thin, however, turns out at that job I volunteered- you need to get paid to have a job. So in April I started at different, busy AWESOME restaurant. A place I can honestly say I enjoy working, all the customers know us and the, staff, most of which is related, is great! I have customers that know my childrens first names, that show me pics of new grandbabies, share stories from WWII, let me in on their lives and share in mine. I get paid (always a bonus) and we are almost always super busy (double bonus) only downside: I work afternoon/evenings.
This hasn't made a difference all summer because I spend time with the kids during the day, now it will be changing, they'll be gone and on Tues-Thurs they will have to ride the bus to their babysitters house. They will be in bed before I get home at night and I will not be checking homework, listening to them talk excitedly about their days with play by plays of how they unfolded, I won't be the first to know about field trips and special assignments and it is breaking my heart.
Sean has football games on Thursdays only- all season. My awesome boss is working on finding me coverage for Thursdays so I can go, the great thing about a family owned place is that they know family is what is important. Elizabeth & Al both have sports on Wednesdays, I'm now resorting to his soccer coach providing his transportation and the sitter walks Liz to her practices. Helen hasn't had a dance class in weeks because I can't figure out how to make it work for her to make them~ something I failed miserably at all summer.
Maybe it hits me so hard because while hubby is at work I wear the "dad hat" too, there are days I feel like a single mom just with two incomes. Don't get me wrong, when hubby is home he is the definition of taxi driver as long as my color coded calender is up to date ;) one week a month isn't really a lot though..... So here is my question, how do other working moms figure this stuff out? How do you juggle and balance and "make it work"? Quitting my job is not an option I can or will consider, do all working moms just carry the guilt burden like it's their job? Does anyone know of any good sleep aides because I fear this guilt thing won't be going away any time soon.
Hope I'm not alone in this one,
Sarah
